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What's the best thing about public races ? being kicked in the windpipe? Nope, it's enjoying the calm after the personal besters have thrashed on ahead
I am in awe of speedy swimming. I have seen it done, and it can be a thing of beauty to behold, like going to the ballet, I imagine, only cheaper. And fast swimmers do have the casual grace of dancers, using the lightest touch to propel themselves forward like, well, I guess dolphins is a more appropriate simile than torpedoes. It looks trouble-free, relaxed, easy ? and I know this because I've watched and watched. Then watched a bit more, studying the arcs and lazy kicks as if staring intently would somehow make me faster by osmosis. (I know that's not proper science, you don't need to tell me.) If you were that speedy swimmer, wondering why the hell some woman was staring intently at you ? hello! Research!
I am not a fast swimmer. "Slow" is a relative term, but if I wore Speedo I might well be going against the Trades Descriptions Act, so I'm considering launching my own Slowlio? range of swimwear (it'll have pockets). I'm not so slow as to be vertical in the water, and yes, thanks, I've tried moving my arms quicker, but I only have one speed and it's not fast ? my times in "races" are a matter of public record, if you can be bothered. I put "races" in parentheses because while I do enter public swimming events, the only medal it's going to get me is for Pluckily Joining In. I thought I was fine with it and I mostly am, though I did find myself overtaking a swimmer recently and getting that small buzz of glory, even when it turned out she was 10 years old. I felt no shame as I let out a small hissed "yesssss": a win is a win. And OK, so I yelled "you're twenty years younger than me" at someone racing past and it probably did sound bitter but I meant it purely factually.
I have been known to blather on about "not being competitive" and "only really competing with myself" in defensive mitigation. I recognise it's a tiresome position, the "oh, I'm not competitive" one, particularly when it's said to people who clearly are. It sounds like, "I'm superior to you, because being competitive is so not cool" when in honesty it's more, "Oh god I wish I was you, please be my friend even though you could swim the distance four times before I've even got in the pool." It's chippy. (Fortunately I have a chip on each shoulder, so I'm balanced in the water. Badum tish.)
So ? I did a race recently and my provisional time was posted up online. I'll admit, I was disappointed. Blimey it was slow ? much slower than I thought it would be. I tried and failed to get the internet shut down so no one could see it, then went on the defensive ? it was too early, yet too late; I was deliberately being slow; it was the wrong kind of water; I was cold and hungover and hungry and did I mention I'm old? This was an internal monologue, you understand. Then they posted the actual times, and mine had magically improved. I felt great! In comparison, so fast! So the blather is all fakery. Turns out I am competitive, as much as the next person. Probably more.
The question is: if you swim slowly, why even enter a race? You're never going to win it. Races are for fast people ? aren't they? It's a pertinent question as we frontcrawl at speed towards the end of the swim race season. The answer really, genuinely, is: for the taking part. I thoroughly love swimming alone, it lifts me, I need it. But every now and then, being part of something is fun. Sharing a goal (not drowning) is fun. The sense of exclusion is all in your (my) mind. Mostly they're called "swims", not races, but there are always lots of athletic people chasing their personal bests. (Tip: if you only ever do them once, your time will forever be your personal best. Result!) And doing public events is the perfect way to swim in places you might otherwise not get access to or feel too cowardly to risk. About a thousand people, me included, did the Hampton Court to Kingston Bridge swim recently, and I'm doing the Great London Swim soon. Frankly I thought I'd need a helicopter overhead, a Swat rescue team and a phalanx of kayakers guiding me before I'd reach the dark waters of the Royal Docks ? but actually, all I needed was an online form, a bit of fear and smattering of "oh fuck it, why not".
There are downsides, though ? or maybe just the one: other people. These are not peaceful swims down the Thames on a balmy Sunday morning with polite people all chattering about how uncompetitive they are. "After you. No after you." They are crazy jumbles of wetsuited limbs thrashing over you, under you, kicking you in the head, arms, wherever. That bit is horrible. Another tip: hang back, or to the side, let the personal besters go ? then the water is left to you, the slower swimmer. Yes, when you hit the finish line, the "winners" may have been able to swim the race two and a half times (which is what my Hampton swim time compared with the fastest looked like) and already be on pudding. But you will, I guarantee, have a sense of achievement, and that's a winning feeling too. You'll have taken part ? ditto. And until there are public swimming events that celebrate the slower entrant, you'll have a new "Pluckily Joining In" medal to go with all the others.
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Is it a harmless celebration of heritage, or does it disrespect the achievements of those who have won the real thing?
Five-time Tour de France winner Bernard Hinault once famously told an interviewer: "When I see pot-bellied cyclists wearing the maillot jaune, it appals me."
Personally, I would never be so presumptuous as to wear such iconic garb ? not because I'd feel I was cheapening the achievements of someone like Hinault, but more because it would give a very misleading impression of my abilities as a cyclist. This is obviously not a view shared by some of the riders who turn up for sportives and other amateur events wearing the colours of professional cycling's most revered prizes - the rainbow stripes of world champion, the polka dots of the "king of the mountains" or the yellow, pink and red leader's jerseys of the sport's classic Grand Tours.
Certainly few kit suppliers appear to share Hinault's concerns. A search at several online cycling retailers produced a wide range of stripes and spots that have been worn by various world and national champions. Even Rapha, the glossy brand that supplies Team Sky's clothing, is not averse to selling replica versions of Sir Bradley Wiggins's and Edvald Boasson Hagen's national champion's kits.
Brand manager James Fairbank says:
"Some people will buy it because they like the design, some will buy it as collectors items and not wear it, and some will buy it and wear it with pride. Good luck to them. Unless you're Bradley Wiggins there's always someone both faster and cooler, so just ride your bike and let others do the same in what ever outfit they choose."
But Roger Hammond, who won nine national titles in road racing and cyclo-cross between 2000 and 2008 and now manages UK professional team Madison-Genesis , believes the champion's stripes should be earned. He says:
"I'm from an age when cycling wasn't as popular as it is now, and if I saw someone I didn't mind what they were wearing as long as they were out on their bikes. But nowadays I feel a bit differently, because I know just how hard you have to work to win that jersey, and I have a little grin when I see anyone wearing a British champion's jersey.
"I would never have done it myself. And for that same reason I would never wear a replica England football shirt, for example, because I know how hard the players have worked to earn their place and represent their country.
"I suppose football fans might argue that they are showing support for their team, but I think it's different in cycling. I even find riders wearing trade team jerseys odd. In football there's an affinity to the team, whereas in cycling it's towards individual riders. "
But it's not just professionals who take offence at recreational riders wearing jerseys they associate with years of blood, sweat and tears. Rowan Elliott is an amateur rider who this month won his third national champion's jersey in grass track racing. He has to fit 15 hours of training a week around his full-time job as a personal trainer and massage therapist with a Cheshire sports clinic. He says:
"Something like that should be earned and not paid for, as it takes a big commitment from me as a rider in my spare time to compete in events at such a level. It's different for football fans wearing replica shirts. Those shirts are what the footballers wear for their day jobs, their work clothes if you like, so it's fine for fans to buy replica versions if they want. But a jersey that says you are the national or world champion is something different, something that only comes through hard work and dedication."
Graeme Obree , who famously broke the world hour record twice riding a homemade bike made from old washing machine parts , and who also wore the rainbow stripes of individual track pursuit world champion in 1993 and 1995, takes the opposite view:
"It's grand to see those jerseys being worn by amateurs out for a ride, it shows a real appreciation for what is an iconic symbol of our sport. Instead of being all precious about it, we should be thankful that people still want to wear these jerseys after all the drug-taking that's gone on in the sport."
Despite this, Obree, who next month hopes to break the world record of 82mph at the World Human Powered Speed Challenge, never wore his world champion's jerseys while out training:
"Definitely not. They were covered in beer stains. The first thing you want to do after winning a world title is find the nearest table to dance on. But if they'd had a jersey for breaking the world hour record I'd have definitely worn that."
What do you think? Is wearing a replica champion's jersey a harmless celebration of cycling's rich heritage, or does it cheapen the achievements of those who won the real thing?
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Britain's oldest female Ironman triathlete reports on her progress in the run-up to the World Triathlon Championships in London, including bike near-misses, swimming with ducks and Parkruns
I was overwhelmed by the response to my last blog. It's great that so many feel inspired by an "older" woman ? it really is never too late to start those steps towards feeling happier, healthier and more confident. Just two and a half hours of walking a week can make so much difference to fitness levels, not to mention your social life.
But my training has not been smooth, with just 21 days to go to the World Triathlon Championships in Hyde Park, London. In the London Tri the swim was OK-ish, but running with my bike to the bike start line, the bike slipped and I fell on top. The chain back on, I set off, but by the first hill (well, actually a gentle slope) it was hard going. I stopped, checked the back wheel ? spinning fine. But it was hell. I was overtaken by everyone: the too-skinny Lycra-clad brigade on bikes making a whooshing noise; young and old riders; bikes with baskets; even Bromptons.
I despaired. "I'll pack it in, I've overtrained, I'm too old for this" ? endless gloomy thoughts until, exhausted, after 1hr 50mins, I reached the dismount point and began wheeling my bike into the Excel centre. Only then did I realise why it was hard to push: the front wheel was jamming because the brake was full on! It had never even entered my mind that there could be a problem with the bike.
I had a near-miss, too, in a rural area, turning right at a crossroads. I wobbled, thought I had a flat tyre, and only just managed to hold the bike up. Then an angry white van driver, hooting and shouting at a car driver, alerted me to the fact I had nearly fallen in front of the car when she had overtaken me, clipping my back wheel. It's safer cycling in central London!
I'm a poor swimmer, born of a generation without hairdryers, head up and breaststroke the norm. But recently I have almost enjoyed swimming in the Serpentine in Hyde Park. I'm a member of the sociable Serpentine Swimming club ? �20 a year to swim any morning, 365 days of the year. Clad in a wetsuit, I'm certainly not as hardcore as most members. But I loved it today, amid the ducks, sighting on the bridge, trees and buildings in preparation for next month's 1,500m swim.
Then on my old, not-worth-pinching bike, I cycled to my favourite Parkrun (free, timed 5k run/jogs, 9am every Saturday). What a brilliant organisation Parkrun has created; volunteer-led and now in 209 UK locations. I love my Burgess Parkrun, the closest to central London, a secret green oasis amid residential Southwark. We run twice round a beautiful lake, on a flat asphalt surface that is ideal for dodgy knees and PBs. There is always an enthusiastic welcome for slower runners and those walking that final stage, and even bananas and mince pies on the finish line today. A brilliant feelgood factor to start the weekend.
Back to my knees. I don't have an anterior cruciate ligament in either knee, which both have level 3/4 arthritis. There were periods of swollen knees and pain, but I've done endless exercising to strengthen quads, hamstrings and bum. It's so boring standing on one knee, or holding bridges and side planks for England, even if my Radio 4 podcasts help. I rarely wear high heels or run downhill these days, but something has worked ? I can run, albeit slower, and I love it.
Annie Emmerson is a great coach/mentor and friend who has pulled me through the lows with her pragmatic approach that "life is fun", even when my kids beat me and all four grandchildren run faster. But how brilliant is it to compete alongside family members, with celebratory drinks all round when they beat an old woman?
Commentator Steve Trew, another great mentor, enthuses as I cross a finish line. But Steve, does the whole world need to know I am 70? However, "You don't look 70" is the most frequent comment I get, followed closely by "I wish my mum/dad were a bit fitter." So, as well as training for September, I'm also working to establish a charity called Silverfit, which aims to promote lifelong fitness and fun. We're just getting started by piloting some small events, including Silver Tuesday Fun&Fitness session in Hyde Park, which combines the chance to try out various activities with socialising afterwards. We also ran a fun family relay duathlon at Herne Hill velodrome on 21 August.
I'm sure that other people and organisations are doing similar things all over the country, and if you are, we would love to hear about your experiences to see if we can collaborate in some way ? we really think it's possible to get everyone more active. If I can start at 50 and do it, anyone can! Find out more and get in touch at silverfit.org.uk.
Last week would have been my 39th wedding anniversary, so I am still the lucky one ? "staying alive" and "having a good time".
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